#47 Manifesting Love and Amazing Romantic Relationships with Dr. Daryl Johnson

Dr. Daryl Johnson
DrDarylJohnson.com
@DrDarylJohnson on Instagram
 

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Transcript

Oh, oh, hi. Sorry. I was just reading this really great book, but I guess we'll talk about that later. Yeah. Okay. So you just heard an amazing bio from my fantastic guest. Welcome. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited, Danny. Let's chat, and I'm so sorry, listeners, I just made a very big mistake. I wanna be very clear.

It's Doctor Darrell. Dr. Johnson is who we're speaking with today, and she is our favorite relationship therapist and coach, and she's gonna hook us up today. So tell us a little about, bit about yourself, Darrell, and then we'll slide on into some relat. You see talk? Yes, ma'am. So I am Dr. Gerald, your favorite couple's therapist in coach.

I am in the DC, Maryland, Virginia area. I've been practicing forever it feels like, ever since I went into college, ever since high school. I knew I wanted to be a therapist and so I've been doing it ever since then. And I have my private practice, Dr. Gerald Johnson at Consulting, llc. And I. Talk to people for a living.

I help them improve their lives, improve their relationships, get a deeper understanding of what it means, and, and how to have the life that they deserve. I love it. We are in the same industry. . I'm helping women get the life that they deserve as well, but just not necessarily through the couples side of things.

I have a question. So you said you were doing this from high school, you knew this is what you wanted to do. Are you that girl who all your friends come to you like, Oh my God, Darryl, what do I say? What do I do? He's doing this. Are you that friend? I'm that friend. I am that friend. I'm also the friend that my friends won't come to if they're not ready to hear something.

And I try not to be therapist Darrell, I, I really try to leave that hat at home, but sometimes they're like, Nope, I want that hat. Bring that hat with you. But sometimes if they're not ready to hear certain things, like if they're really not, If they're really not in that mindset or in that head space where they're like, Yeah, like I know the issue.

I'm not going to do what makes sense. I wanna be irrational for a little bit. They won't come to me. That's, I love that I'm the friend that they're not gonna come to unless they're ready for real talk. Cause otherwise, , I'm the one who's like leaving girl and they're like, No, . Yeah. So

okay. This is the Manifested SIS podcast, Dr. Darrell. So I have two questions for yous. Question one, what does manifesting even mean to you? And two, what are you manifest? Manifesting means to me. It means that I feel, and I think something I envisioned, something that I want for future Dar and everything else falls in alignment with that vision.

And it's like step by step, I'm taking the little steps to get to. Future version of Darrell that I imagine. And what am I manifesting now? I'm manifesting, oh gosh. I am manifesting. Hmm. That's a really good one. I'm manifesting, I'm putting out into the world another baby. So other than 11 other stuff, my.

It is a follow up, It's sister companion online relationship course. It's called the Relationship Blueprint. So I am manifesting that as a way to put out into the world and help people and help other people get to another level. And if you remember when you and I started working together, this book wasn't, it wasn't about putting out the book itself, right?

It was. Fighting my imposter syndrome, my anxieties getting, just getting over all the negative stuff. It was, it was noisy, it was, it was loud and it wasn't anything particularly positive. So along the same lines, putting out an online course to follow up the teaching of the book, that, that's really important for me because I, I had the, the, the idea.

A long time ago I put out, I think it was probably about two years ago, I put out a self care for entrepreneurs course. And that completely failed because I did not have a plan. I was not going about it smart. You know, just letting people know about it. It just was not successful. And so as opposed to beating myself up about it and that learning from the mistakes and just kind of playing it small and.

This is another way of me kind of like not kind of, this is me showing up for myself and showing up for other people I know because people need this. Yes. So you're manifesting, okay. On one hand you're actually manifesting a course, which is like this tangible thing that you're gonna, but what you're really manifesting is like transformation for your clients and potential customers.

And you're manifesting like another level up for you in your career and in your confidence and in your like bigness, you're manifesting some big things. I like this. I like this and I'm glad you got out of your way cuz f that old course you're on a whole new trajectory, baby girl. I can't wait to see the Dr.

Dar show on TV and tune in and see you helping couples  be great. Do that for you. I'll do that for you. Okay? So, okay. Let's get into some juicy relationship talk because I know that I had an episode of this podcast where I shared about how I manifested my husband 21 years ago, and I, it's one of the highest rated or highest downloaded episodes, so that lets me know people wanna know about manifesting this love.

So for the woman who is single and on the pro, she was unmatched. She hated it. Now she's trying to get like organic, meet men organically or women organically. What do you say to this woman? For her to prepare herself for the relationship that she wants to prepare for the relationship that you want? You have to look inward.

Instead of always looking outward, because we have a tendency to, you know, in the dating scene, to navigate dating, to say, Well, I'm looking for X, Y, and Z. He or she has to look like this, has to make this, but first we need to look at what we're bringing to the table. So preparing to meet the one your person, you have to be that person.

Right. You have to be the better version of yourself for your future person. And, you know, we can't expect someone else to work so hard to become this version that we want them to be in dating, but we're not working on being the better version of ourselves. Instead, we kind of just make excuses like, Well, that's just how I am.

He's or she's just gonna have to take it or leave it. That's how I am. They're gonna have to do this or be that way. But instead really look at it to see what really, what shifts need to make. What shifts do you need to make? And what would you like? How would you rate yourself if you had to give yourself like a report card, how would you reach and how do you think other people would rate?

10 , Of course you're a 10 , but doing the work and being introspective is so important. It's so, I would say prepare by looking inward first and seeing what version of this person are they gonna get of me, and is this the version that I would be proud of that would make this work that isn't so overly consumed with the game of dating.

and you know, potentially missing out on your person or settling mean, you probably don't have to. I like that answer and the manifesting coach in me likes for the, the best part of that for me is you looking inward and you doing all these things to improve yourselves. It's not for that other person, it's really for you.

You'll just be happier with your life. And then the happy bonus is, Oh, here come this dude, are you rich? What you got in your pen? Ok, good. Come on with me. Let's go. You know? So it's just a happy bonus afterwards cuz you'll be doing all that work for you. I like that. Absolutely. So, Hold on. Let me, let's talk, let's get, let's get real intense here.

Tell me about your relationship. Mine. Do that inner my relationship. Yeah, talk to me. Talk to me. So we have been together forever and I always get tripped up on how long we've been together because I have a really bad memory and I always go off of my friend's wedding anniversary and because we met the month after their anniversary, so I think they've been together for.

Eight or nine years. It's been a while, but we met Columbus Day. I said it was Columbus Day. I was off work. I was so frustrated. I called up my friend, my coworker at the time, and it was like nine o'clock or something like that. I'm like, Girl, it sounds like you in a car. What? Like, what are you doing?

Where are you going? And I'm like, We gotta be to work in the morning. And she's like, Oh, I'm gonna see such and such. Like remember I told, like I told you about him. Like, okay, this late, Okay girl, do you see you? And I'm like, See if you got some friends. Cause I called her complaining about someone else.

Someone else that looked amazing on paper. He was in the last stage of his PhD program at Howard on paper. He. , but u-uh, , Mhmm, , , where I worked, I was able to find out things. But anyway, that didn't pan out, so I called to tell me about that offline. Cause need to know . I'm freaking nosy. Get back on it. . So I, I called complained about him.

I You got any friends? Bye. Click like literally like an hour later. I get like multiple calls. Two or three calls before I actually answer it so I don't answer calls that I'll know from this like Baltimore number. I'm like, I dunno about you Baltimore. Like they working real hard, these scammers  late at night.

So I found the answer. I'm like, Hello? Like, who's this? It was the dude's friend. And I'm like, They didn't tell me anything. They didn't tell me your name. I ain't getting no. So before we continue, you need to send me some pictures. It's time to get out work. And so he's like, Okay, I'll send you some pictures.

But where, where I work at, we could only do like g chat. Once I get in, I'm like, Okay, cool. I might hit you up depending on those pictures. They sent him pictures of me, but they didn't send me pictures of him and I was like, Oh my God, girl, Like, what are you doing? First of all, talking out girls, that's a girl code violation.

Don't you ever do that to your friend? You better let her know what these people are working with if you're trying to do a setup, But okay, I'm back. Let's go. Yes. Girl code, but in the, it really did end up working out. We talked all night on G Chat and all week, so it was a Monday, so we set up a lunch date for him to come and take me to lunch on that Friday.

And then because lunch and the whole week was so successful, we did dinner on Friday night. And so talking. So much before like meeting and stuff like that, That was significant for me because again, I called my homegirl, like complaining about somebody else. So I'm like, I need to be careful now because I don't wanna waste my time.

Like I don't want you to just look good or even look on my paper. It needs to be a whole package. Workable, at least something and nothing too crazy . And so, yeah, like we talked ever since and we decided to be, you know, mutually exclusive and not talk to anybody else. And the rest is history. And we have a two year old now.

I love it. So wait, the stuff that you talk about in this book, by the way, it's called Love and Other Stuff by Dr. Dows available on Amazon. Go get it. So there's stuff you talking about in this book. Is this vetted through your experience with him with BOO, or is this only from knowledge and past clients or what?

Give us a scoop. It's a little bit of everything. So I would say I've learned throughout. School every, all phases of school. My, I had my master's PhD. I thought I wanted to get another master's in forensic fight, but that counted too and everything else. And my own research. So from schooling, my own research to my personal experiences, my current relationship, like all of it kind of meshes because I try to learn, I try to be the person that practices what I preach and actually put into motion the stuff that I learn because that wouldn't help me, right?

Like why wouldn't I, Like I know all these things that work for a relationship, why wouldn't I put 'em into practice? And. I have tried to, to put everything into practice. So far so good. Sometimes my partner's like, Don't, don't do that. Right. Try to like, Right. Don't, don't shrink me. That's bullshit. Like, don't do that.

I'm like, No, this actually really me try this. But yeah. It sounds like you're feeling this . Sorry, . So you guys have, Okay, so let's go back to that. So she is looking in. She's done this work. She's being the best version of her. She, let's call her Keisha. Keisha is being the best Keisha she can be. And now she, When I would tell guys my, when I wouldn't wanna tell guys my name, I would, My name Keisha, me Keisha's, You're, And you met me.

Hi. Everybody's lucky. Sorry, . Anyway, okay. She, So she's done the work, She's like, Yes, I am in a great. I've done the healing work I need to do. I've looked at myself and oh my gosh, girls, I think I met someone. What should she do in this early stages of the talking, that's what the kids do these days, right?

They're talking. So in the talking, getting to know you, dating stage, what should she do now to suss out is this guy right for me? And is this what I really. A few questions to ask yourself. Keisha, how do I feel with him? Is anything coming up that kind of reminds me of the past that I should probably pay attention to?

Because I mean, everything isn't a trauma response or so much of a trigger, but we should be able to listen to our feelings, whether it's someone is to run or stay, especially if our heart is saying, No, stay, but our mind is saying. No run. Because that's how our attachment styles, how we relate to other people, how we navigate and handle relationships, That's where our, our attachment styles will kick it and start to turn on and be activated.

And particularly during this time, Keisha is in the honeymoon phase, right? Like, oh girl, Like we've been talking, you know, it's been like a month now. We've been out on a date. Like, he's so cute and. You know all this, like he's. Amazing, right? Like, I think this will work out. That honeymoon phase will really have you thinking and doing things that you probably normally wouldn't do.

Like, let's say if it was like two years in or something like that. Because of all the things like neurochemically that happens with us, that oxytocin, that, that the, the dopamine hit that we get, it's that surge of love that we feel like we are experiencing, but it's actually just. Neurological physiological experience that we get and that we don't have control over.

And that honeymoon phase will slowly kind of like fizzle out and then that's when real life starts to kick in. That's when the little cute things that thought was cute are actually like really annoying now. At first I thought he was really friendly. Now I just feel like maybe he's like, just like super talkative and annoying or whatever, right?

Being very much in the present with how do I feel with him? How do I feel physically away from him? Do I feel secure? Do I feel, do I still feel secure? Do I still feel like this is something that can work out? Or am I anxious? Am I scared that we go a little bit without talking during the day and maybe he's talking to someone else, or you know, paying attention to.

Feelings and then also paying attention to what is coming up for you as far as the past. Especially if you're like, Okay, nope, I'm not gonna make the same mistakes again. But what mistakes are those? What signs should you really be looking for based on what you've gone through? And is it fair to hold him to that?

I like this. Okay, so listeners, a lot was said there. I'm gonna put some links in the show notes to where you can find out about your attachment styles and where you can learn a little bit more about those hormones. That was mentioned, was it dopamine, Oxy, oxytocin. Because these dudes literally make you crazy.

They got your hormones going on, ragged and da and you're literally kept going in balance. So I'm gonna put some links in there so you can just learn a little bit about. But okay Doc, so now Keisha and. Tyrell, they have been seeing each other. It's like six months. Usually it's good. But every now and then Keisha sees some stuff that makes her feel like, Whoa.

But they always get through it. They might have words, they might have little Ts, but they always get through it. What is, how much arguing might be too much or. What is healthy versus not healthy when it comes to arguments and then making up, or should we make up, should we break up? That kind of stuff.

Keisha, I get this question a lot. Yes. I get this question a lot. How much is too much? And actually I get this at any, any stage of being with someone. I've had people just starting out dating. I've had married couples that's been together for like five or six or 10 years. That's like, how much is too much?

So there's no blanket answer to say how much is too much really. But arguing in conflict, they're normal. In relat. We're human beings, right? Like you're in close quarters or you share a bond, even if it's long distance with someone else, you're, you're emotionally invested. There's a lot of dynamics there.

You're bringing your inner child, they're bringing theirs kid in one room, you have two, five, and you know, six year old woundedness kind of happening. And especially when our needs don't get met or we feel like we're not being heard or things like that. 

So what I say to that is make sure that you know how to navigate conflict in a healthy way. Make sure Tyrell Tyrell knows how to, because we can fight fairly all relat. Issues. They aren't necessarily gonna be solved. What is it? 69% actually, I wanna say. Yep. Almost 70% of all conflicts and relationships, they aren't solvable.

That's a lot. Who are you telling? I've been with this dude 21 years. I got a list here. It is annoying. Anyway, keep going. I'm listening. Yeah, so that's, that's, that's a lot If you think about it. Whenever folks come to me, whether it's for therapy or coaching, I always ask them, Listen, does this fall into the 70% bucket or is it the 30%?

Did I do that math right? She's,

yeah. Always have them think about it in terms of that, Is this worth it? Now, is this a deal breaker? And one of the exercises I have, My couples or the, the one person that I'm seeing in the couple work through is, what are my red, green and yellow flags? Kind of like a, a stop, a stop sign, a stoplight.

Because when people say, Okay, so this is a deal breaker, or when they say, this is, you know, the, the thing that will just like end, end it all. Like for example, in a lot of relationships people will say that's infidelity. On the other side of it, when people come through it or they're experiencing it, it's a totally different story.

So I always ask them, what is the, the red flag is the, That's it. You do it once I am out, or if this happens, I am out. No if, ands or buts, then the yellow is okay. Maybe like three times this could come up. We'll work through it. There's stages, right? Like, okay we'll, we'll sit down and talk or. Go to the person at our temple church, wherever, or we'll go to a coach or we'll go to a therapist or I will, or you will kinda negotiating.

And then of course the green flags are what are the really amazing things that I actually like being here because again, love isn't enough. I need to, like you, I need to put up with some things because I can't, you know, there's no like mold, right? For the perfect person. And so when they work through that rape, when they work through that list, they have very little, if any, red flags because the red flag is, Yep, that's it.

Hmm. So in thinking about navigating with Keisha and Tyrell, understanding how to, how to communicate, and a lot of times we don't know, we learn. We learn from our upbringing, or we might romanticize a relationship like, Oh my gosh, that the FID is gone. Or, you know, he doesn't do this anymore, or it doesn't look like that on social media, or that on on tv, or whatever.

So we need to actually learn it, and a lot of us aren't. Raised with a lot of the, Well sit down and, and breathe to me, right? Like no one, I mean, my kid is raised like that cause I'm a therapist. He, he even tells me to breathe sometimes, but a lot of people aren't. And so go to a therapist, go to a coach, figure out how to effectively communicate with your partner.

And it's not such a, So we have kind of general. Tools or tips, but really you wanna speak each other's language and you wanna know how does he wanna be loved on? I need him to know how I wanna be loved on. He needs to understand that. Sometimes we can have these conversations with them, but hearing it from someone else or having it presented in a different way, that's when it clicks.

You know what, that's absolutely correct. We, I feel like I have said things to John a million times. And then our couple's therapist says it once and he's like, Oh, I get it. I wanted to punch him in his mouth, Darrell, I want, I was like, 20 years I've been saying this, but she magically says it. Anyway, I'm glad that he finally heard.

Okay, so you said a lot of good stuff there and you know what kind of slipped into my head was this is about relationships, but everything that you've said, so. In, in the couples aspect is really just personal development for you in all areas. Thinking about like your career, you'll have that honeymoon phase in your career as well, and then the little things might start to pop up.

But everything that you've said is applicable in all these different areas of our life. So listener, if you are like, Listen, my relationship's fine. I don't need to listen to this episode. Hold on. And just apply everything she's saying to another area of your life, girl. Cause this is juicy and magical, right?

All right, so I talked to Keisha. She said they've been together seven years now she's got a seven year itch. She's like, This is boring. It's the same thing every day. I don't know. He's like, You know what? We should have an open relationship. I'm like, Nah, maybe just a threesome. Let's think about it. I don't know.

I'm bored. What do we do? What do you say to Keisha now? Woo Keisha. Okay, so  predictability. Again, that kind of boredom. It's, it's normal, right? It's, it's, it's normal in relationships. You can't escape it. But why, why is it boring to her at this point, right? Like, are they prioritizing each other? Are there date nights?

is something else going on. Who's stressed out with whatever's going on outside of the, the, the relationship because the external stress really, really does impact our relationship. But I would, I would ask some of those questions to try to dig deeper. And just like you said, a lot of what we've talked about so far is the, the personal stuff and.

Sometimes we need the help of our partner, not just to do our individual work, but we need their help to try to understand and we, we, we shouldn't really make, well, not really, we just should not make assumptions about what's happening with them. So do weekly check ins. I love, love, love. Just doing the weekly check-ins.

How, how's our sex on, on a scale of, of zero to 10, what, how can I be better? How can we be better? How about our friendship, our ability to prioritize, play our connection? How do you think I'm doing handling my stress? Cause you know, I went through that thing last week, which I really like that you like, was able to really support me, but how do you think I'm doing?

So you're getting their perspective, but you're also giving. Constructive feedback that will help not just, Hey, we've been together for seven years. You figure it out because you're supposed to know, but no, let me see what's going on here. Let's kind of dissect this together and try to figure out how can we get that spark back?

How can it feel less boring? Especially with C and everything like that, Keisha and Tyrell, they need to change it up a. Okay, so what I hear you saying is like, just maybe try anal. You don't have to bring other people into the bedroom. , I'm just kidding. So who, but who wants to bring the other person? He suggested it.

He suggested open marriage. She's like, Let's just bring in a third partner. Let's see what's going on. They both into some stuff, girl. Ok. So I just got off the phone with Keisha. Keisha, she said they haven't been together. It's 10 years they had a child, and now their whole dynamic has changed. And she's like, Do I even know this guy anymore?

And he's argumentative with her like, I don't even know you anymore. Just because they now have these babies. Yeah, twins. They had twins, Twin girls. Oh my gosh. Anna and Mara. So now, now that they've got a whole family, they're really feeling the stress and they need to know how to come back together to each other.

What would you suggest to Keisha and Tyrell? That is where that shift, that huge pivot needs to happen. Then, you know, have one of the grandparents have some, somebody come get these kids. We go in on a staycation or we go in somewhere really, really nice on a plane and we're really going to have this stretch of a few days to be able to dedicate and get to know one another a little bit better because twins, oh my goodness.

Any, any kid, any like, it's a lot. But then also the different changes that you go through as. So you gotta reconnect and that means leaving in babies with somebody else, they'll be fine and doing something fun. Reconnecting, having meaningful conversation and leaving the kids the house, everything. Leave the the adulting out of the conversation.

So if you feel yourself about to say, Well, remember we wanted to re or, or get this, No, we're not gonna remodel, we're not gonna talk about those things. We're talking about how sexy you look with that on, or what position you wanna try. We are doing everything different. Everything. I don't care if we're 30 minutes away in a really nice hotel, we're doing everything.

Shake it up. Okay. Yes. I love this. Okay. I just got off the phone with Keisha. I got bad news. Yeah. You know, the twins are in high school. Hubby lost his job. He's been feeling like depressed and. What's it, Tyrell and Keisha is like, I, I think I want out of this relationship. How does she know? Is it really time for me to go?

Should I fight? What's going on? And, you know, what do you, what do you have to say to Keisha now? It's okay if she feels that way. And a lot of people will say, Oh no, look, you, you have this nice house and yeah, you can sustain because you have this really nice job. The kids are beautiful. They'll be fine. No, you should stay.

You should work it out. Now take your time with making this decision because it could be very life altering, not just for you, but for him and, and the twins, but. Really take your time. Because making a decision while you are emotional while you feel a bit elevated, that helps. No one, we cannot, like scientifically, we just can't, or, or neurologically, we just can't think clearly because that part of our brain has shut down and we are in survival mode or we're in, you know, I'm sitting in my hurt or my fear or whatever it is, my anger and I've convinced myself.

We're just at a place that I don't even wanna work it on anymore. So everything from there is probably going to be more on the side of I don't wanna work it out, as opposed to just, you know, taking a deep breath and thinking about it, sitting with it. And I like to use imagery, kind of like fan fantasizing a little bit to, to say, you know, if I woke up, Next week, how would I feel when I woke up?

What would I see? I would be in a different house, a different room. He wouldn't be next to me, but how would I feel? And then how would, what does my day look like? How would I feel? Not just what would it, what would I do or, or what would it actually physically look like, but how would I feel navigating my day?

But I feel lighter because I don't have to like carry him financially. And then now he's depressed and I don't really wanna deal with that. Might make me a bad person. I wonder with that shit, my kids are out the house. I don't want another one. So like, like do I feel lighter? Do I feel like how? How do I feel?

Do I feel like regret? Because maybe we didn't give it a try. I just like acted on that knee jerk reaction. Just really taking your time and waiting and seeing. But again, like not waiting too long where you're sacrificing. I love that. I am big on visualization too. And guys, everyone listening, you can use this for other areas of your life as well.

Mm-hmm. , any big decision you have to make, go out a month and imagine what your day looks like and see how it feels for every little bit of that day, and that'll help you decide if A or B is the right option for you. So, mm-hmm. . Okay. I just got a text from Keisha, Big news. She stayed with Tyre. The girls are now in college, but guess what?

She cheated on him. She had an affair. It was like a few months. It was intense, but she felt like so bad about it. She stopped it. Now she's feeling guilty. She wants to tell him. What do you say to her? I say, Don't tell Aisha girl

Okay. So two ways here as a therapist, I. So we would have to look at the cost and benefit analysis, right? You could use the cost and benefit analysis in any area. I've seen it used a whole lot in like finance and all that. Business. Yeah, business. But what's, what would be the cost of this? What are you risking?

What are you getting out of it? Are you guilty? Why? Like what would be the point now? What the point is? We wanna like, I wanna be with him, but I don't wanna feel like I'm a liar or you know, like I just feel like you should know. Well, then you're gonna have to deal with the repercussions of that, of I wanna stay together.

But what would he want? How long is it gonna take you guys to heal from this? Because you can repair from it. It's just, it's difficult. And especially if you do it on your own, it's practically impossible a lot of the times because someone's holding onto something and Are you done, Keisha? Are you done with your Stella?

Got groove back moment. Wait, hold on. She says she's done . Okay, so good. She's done. And she's sure. And then we gotta figure out, again, this goes back to the ME part. Why, what led to that? Because something happened to, to, that actually got you to that point of thinking that was okay and you loved it, but it's done.

But why? Hmm? Why is it done? Is it really done? And why'd you do it in the first place? And how can you not do that going forward? But then you gotta figure out with the pros and cons, the risk and the benefit of letting him. Listeners, are you hearing her? If she just went through a whole lifetime of somebody's relationship?

If you don't go and get this book that is proof enough that this is a book you need to read, cuz she just healed a relationship from the beginning to the damn near end. Okay? Keisha and Tyrell been through some shit and Dr. Darrell. Help them through all of it. So you said a couple things throughout that you said coaching and therapy, so I know they're very different.

Can you explain in gentle terms for our listeners what's the difference and what would make them choose you as a coach or you as a therapist? So really simple. A therapist has been through years of schooling. They are licensed. They have to be licensed in your particular state where you live. So if I live in California, I could technically see someone in Alaska if I am licensed there.

If you really, really, really, really, really wanna see me. I live in California, but you live in Georgia. That's not gonna happen cuz I'm not licensed in Georgia. Let's say you wanna use your, I. Insurance for the most part. They, some insurances just started to cover, group, , therapy is what they, they, they call it.

But they just started to cover some of that as far as applying it to couples. But the person that. You're seeing that therapist would have to choose, Okay, which one of y'all got the got the diagnosis? Cause I need to diagnose one of y'all with a mental health condition in order for the the, in order for the insurance to cover it.

And they gonna want some proof of this and they wanna know why you seeing me and why they're paying for it for like 10 sessions and y'all are getting better. So coaching takes the insurance out of. Again, with insurance it is. So I don't take insurance. So, and a lot of therapists don't. So you definitely wanna make sure that you're going to see someone, whether you choose therapy or coaching based on not just because I, I hear a lot of people say they want someone with a PhD if they're, they're, they're choosing the, the therapy route.

Your therapist does not need a PhD. Your coach does not need a PhD. Your. Coach will get you on a path, and I don't wanna say quicker, but it's like I do a path of least resistance. , it gets you to your goal. It's very, very much solution oriented. Yes, as a relationship coach, you can go back and kind of look at those different roots and things, but we're not treating a mental health condition, We're not treating your anxiety.

Do I have tools to help of the course? A lot of therapy and coaching overlap. But if you want a, Okay, we'll use quicker. If you want a quicker solution, go the coaching route. If you wanna say, Hey look, are we gonna be together? We got a few sessions, let's go. We need to talk this out. I would say coaching therapy, therapy, especially for relationships, is a bit more prolonged.

Not just of the approach of the therapist that you choose, but the people, a lot of people feel like they, like they, they have this vision of therapy of, Oh, I'm supposed to just stay on this couch and talk to my therapist for like 10 years, and it's just supposed to be this enlightening experience. It depends on your outlook as well, but.

Right now I am very much motivated in the category of coaching because I think that takes away the red tape for me as a practitioner, takes the red tape away for me. It still holds me accountable to helping them, but they get to their goals quicker. I'm with you on the coaching versus therapy on that, and the speed like healing can happen like that.

Okay. Question for you. You have two people. You have a, a couple in your office or your digital office. How hard is it for you to stay neutral and balanced if you see, Oh my God, Keisha. Bug in and poor Tyrell, how are you putting up with his ho? Like how do you get out of that and into, Cause I just, I coach one person at a time,  one on one, so I never, I've always teamed that person.

How are you not team one or the other. You always have to remind yourself. Like, I, I literally will check in and say, Hold on, how, how is this making me feel right now? And then how do I think people feel if I said, if I kinda. Took his side or whatever it is. Instead, I try to look at it as it's the relationship.

We are talking about. The relationship, yes, the relationship is made up, made up of, you know Keisha and Tyrell. But that third thing that is in the room is the relationship. We talking about fact, because the relationship is a culmination. Keisha and Tyrell when things, especially when things aren't going that great, or depending on your attachment, if things are going great, you're sabotaging it.

So I like to think of it as we're talking about the relationship. How can I, how can I help them work through this without, without being on sides? But then also validating their experiences of each other and helping them see like the actual point stepping. And, and trying to figure out what, what's the point here?

What, what, what can we learn from this moment? Whatever it. I love it, Dr. Darl. Okay. Tell us about your book. Tell us where everyone can find you. Tell us any last nuggets you wanna share with the audience. Because I feel like after people hear you, they're gonna be like, Help me. Help me. I think he's cheating.

What do I do? I feel like you're gonna explode after this. Yes. Okay, so my book, 11 other stuff that is available on Amazon, Kindle, Amazon, and my website dr gerald johnson.com. You can find all the good things there, dr johnson.com. I am on Instagram, Twitter, I Facebook too. At Dr. Darrell Johnson. My other baby is coming out a, not literally , That's, I thought about that as I said it.

Oh right. My other project will be launching very, very soon. Probably within the next week or two. The relationship blueprint course, like I said, it's a companion sister to the book. You will be guided through 90 days with or without your partner. You'll have me, you'll have a supportive little, little tiny, intimate community to feel supported, to feel like you're not the only one.

You know, you're going through these things, but then also you're learning about the core, you know the, the, the, the core aspects of a healthy relationship, making your relationship healthier, focusing on me, which is actually the first phase of the, the course. It is broken down into three phases and yeah, I'm so excited about it.

So you can find more information on my website, Dr. Darrell Johnson. Do. I love it guys. All of those links are in the show notes. I have one question more. Do I have to come with my partner to you? Or if I'm listening to this and it's just me, I just started dating someone, can I still come to you for all the things or do I have to come with my partner now?

So a lot of people don't know this. You can still make changes in your relationship if it's just you. I see people all the time like, Well, I wanted to do couples work, but. I'm by myself, like if you don't want to, or she doesn't wanna prioritize us, like she feels, you know, she's busy or you're the problem, right?

You're the problem. So you go. You get fixed and then you come back. That's how a lot of people will tell me that their partners are reacting to them saying, Hey, like, we need a professional. You can most definitely come to me as an individual without your partner. You can participate in the in the relationship blueprint course, online course without them, with or without them.

You can still make changes in your relationship by focusing on me, my role in whatever our dynamics are, and that will create this domino effect of positivity and all the amazing things in your relationship. I love it. Okay, my listeners, we are at the end. Thank you, Darryl, for being here and giving us your wisdom.

Keisha and Tyrell texted me, they said, Thank you for saving their whole relationship. They're so happy. And for everyone listening, please let me know what you thought of this episode. Tag me at the Danny Files tag at Dr. Darrell Johnson on Instagram. Share your favorite part, share what part, kind of hit home.

Share your advice for Keisha Tyre, whatever you want, but just tag me and I will share you back out. Darrell, thank you so much. I really appreciated you being here. And y'all don't forget to get this book. It's really good. It's really good. All right. Thank you guys. I'll see you next week. Okay.